WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD

My neighbor found this on Facebook:  Very true…and funny: We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or aContinue reading “WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD”

HOW TO TAME A TIGER

I have often told my pastor that I feel like a tiger, trying to masquerade as a house cat. With that in mind, here is my poetic advice for how to tame a tiger: Don’t pull her whiskers Or ruffle her fur; Give her plenty of treats That cause her to purr. Find ways toContinue reading “HOW TO TAME A TIGER”

HOW TO MAKE PICKLES

Start with cucumbers And a good recipe Then anticipate How delicious they’ll be. Get out vinegar And pickling spice, Turmeric, garlic; Dry mustard is nice.   Peel and slice onion; Make sure it’s very thin; Maybe some peppers, Red, yellow and green. You might want some dill Perhaps celery seed; Just be sure you haveContinue reading “HOW TO MAKE PICKLES”

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house The animals were talking, Except for the mouse. She was quiet, you see, Because she knew that If she didn’t stay hidden, She’d be food for the cat! “I would like toys,” said the dog, And a nice, new bed.” “Plenty of catnip for me,Continue reading “THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS”

WHO HAS THE REDDEST NOSE HERE?

I couldn’t help myself; here is another crunched up carol:   Who has the reddest nose here, Blowing it because of a cold? Know if we hear you sneezing, Our breath we will hold. All of the other symptoms Make us nervous till we shake; Get out the pharmaceuticals; We’ll decide what we should take.Continue reading “WHO HAS THE REDDEST NOSE HERE?”

BLOCKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND

You’ve heard of “Fractured Fairy Tales,” well, these are Crunched up Christmas carols!  Don’t ask me why I’m having so much fun with them; probably my pun-ish nature.  Enjoy:   Phone bells ring; Are you listening? Telemarketting; Soliciting; We’re on the “No Call List”, Shaking our fist; Blocking in a winter wonderland. Spam again; HowContinue reading “BLOCKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND”

OH CHRISTMAS TREE

So, here’s a more modern, possibly slightly cynical version of a popular Christmas song: Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, You’re higher priced than ever. Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Afford you I can never. Your greenery fills the parking lot In hopes that soon you will be bought; Oh Christmas tree, Oh ChristmasContinue reading “OH CHRISTMAS TREE”

DECEMBER

Dark days make the perfect backdrop for colored lights and bling; Electric Santas, candy canes and  reindeer Come out of hiding – from the North Pole, right? Everybody forgets about the cold, snowy hassle of bundling up and shoveling; Members of choirs everywhere practice hymns and winter songs Before the big day gets here. EmbracingContinue reading “DECEMBER”